he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize