You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
