Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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