The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
