He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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