just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
