Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
