Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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