You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
