I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
