Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
