Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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