so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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