last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
