I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
