Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
