Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
