Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize