How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
