My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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