Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
