if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
