Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
