pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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