Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
