so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
