he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
