is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
