Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize