THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize