Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
