and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
