Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
time to smoke my breakfast
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
