I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
