the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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