i just wanna soil my oats bro
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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