I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
