cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
