She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
