It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
