That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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