Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
there is puke in my bra ... again
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