So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
