took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize