I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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