Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
