If i come over, it means nothing
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
