She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
