I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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