You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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