You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
