I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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