I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I die, sorry about rent.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
