yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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