farters have to be the big spoon...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
