I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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