I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
