Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
