I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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