DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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