thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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