If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
