i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
