Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
