Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
