This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize