You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He better not be in your backpack
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
