every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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