I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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