OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
