Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
MIDGETS
????
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
