Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
