I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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