so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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