I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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