Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
