she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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