we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
