so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
