maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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